The Wife Thing
I once talked with a woman who told me she was feeling guilty and like a failure because she wasn’t doing a very good job at the “wife thing.” I asked what she meant and she said, “I don’t always have the dishes done, the laundry isn’t always folded, and I don’t pick the home up every single day.” I asked if there were any other ways she wasn’t doing the “wife thing?” She replied that she didn’t always cook dinner and have it ready when her husband came home.
To her, these were the “wife things.”
Maybe these are your “wife things,” too. Let’s not forget children, though! Children and all they require are definitely part of the wife (and mother) thing, right?…
Here’s the thing… If what that woman said to me are one’s view of the “wife thing,” then it will be extremely difficult for any woman to not eventually feel like a failure or like she isn’t doing a good enough job because it can be very difficult to stay on top of those things all the time!
I replied to the woman: “I think you’re leaving out some very important parts of what it means to do the whole wife thing.”
Yes – dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, children are part of being a wife and mother. But what are the other parts?
~Pursuing hobbies and interests.
~Dating one’s spouse or significant other or just spending some nice, quality time together.
~Learning something new.
~Watching a TV show, reading a book, or spending time on a device.
~Getting together with friends and having meaningful connections with others.
~Asking/inviting/allowing/encouraging the spouse or significant other (or children) to help out with the dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and children.
~Having a break from the those “well-known” wife things….
These are all part of doing the wife thing. These are things that will enhance and improve one’s ability to do all parts of the wife thing. Finding a balance with all these things is the key. Talk openly with your family and those closest to you about your needs, be self-reflective, and work on finding compromises and ways to create balance with all parts of the wife thing.
So the next time you find yourself choosing a bath, reading, going for a walk, lounging on the couch and are feeling guilty about not doing dishes, cooking a meal, or folding laundry, remember that there’s a lot more to the wife thing and what you’re doing in that moment is okay. What it means is you’re doing an EXCEPTIONAL job at the wife thing and it is ENOUGH!
And just a quick and last thought to husbands/spouses and significant others as well as friends: work on being supportive, understanding, and encouraging of ALL parts of the wife thing!