Category: Blog

The Wife Thing

I once talked with a woman who told me she was feeling guilty and like a failure because she wasn’t doing a very good job at the “wife thing.”  I asked what she meant and she said, “I don’t always have the dishes done, the laundry isn’t always folded, and I don’t pick the home up every single day.”  I asked if there were any other ways she wasn’t doing the “wife thing?”  She replied that she didn’t always cook dinner and have it ready when her husband came home.

To her, these were the “wife things.”

Maybe these are your “wife things,” too.  Let’s not forget children, though!  Children and all they require are definitely part of the wife (and mother) thing, right?…

Here’s the thing…  If what that woman said to me are one’s view of the “wife thing,” then it will be extremely difficult for any woman to not eventually feel like a failure or like she isn’t doing a good enough job because it can be very difficult to stay on top of those things all the time!

I replied to the woman: “I think you’re leaving out some very important parts of what it means to do the whole wife thing.”  

Yes – dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, children are part of being a wife and mother.  But what are the other parts?  

~Resting.

~Relaxing.

~Pursuing hobbies and interests.

~Dating one’s spouse or significant other or just spending some nice, quality time together.

~Learning something new.

~Developing talents.

~Watching a TV show, reading a book, or spending time on a device.

~Getting together with friends and having meaningful connections with others.

~Asking/inviting/allowing/encouraging the spouse or significant other (or children) to help out with the dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and children.

~Having a break from the those “well-known” wife things….

These are all part of doing the wife thing.  These are things that will enhance and improve one’s ability to do all parts of the wife thing.  Finding a balance with all these things is the key.  Talk openly with your family and those closest to you about your needs, be self-reflective, and work on finding compromises and ways to create balance with all parts of the wife thing.

So the next time you find yourself choosing a bath, reading, going for a walk, lounging on the couch and are feeling guilty about not doing dishes, cooking a meal, or folding laundry, remember that there’s a lot more to the wife thing and what you’re doing in that moment is okay. What it means is you’re doing an EXCEPTIONAL job at the wife thing and it is ENOUGH!

And just a quick and last thought to husbands/spouses and significant others as well as friends: work on being supportive, understanding, and encouraging of ALL parts of the wife thing!

 

“One day….”  Do those words ever come to your mind?

“One day I’ll get that room cleaned.”
“One day I’ll get that project done.”
“One day I’ll reach out to that new neighbor.”
“One day I’ll create habits for better sleep/nutrition/exercise.”
“One day I’ll repair the leaky faucet.”
“One day I won’t withdraw from that difficult conversation.”
“One day I’ll save for that vacation.”
“One day I won’t yell at the kids.”
“One day I’ll stop worrying so much about everything.”
“One day….” 

Whether consciously or subconsciously, those words come more often than a lot of us realize or would like to admit.  

Shifting those words helps us shift our mindset.  The mind does a pretty good job at filling in blanks, but rather than starting at “the end” and putting all that responsibility and pressure on the mind to be there already, why not give your mind the opportunity to start with the very first step?  

A small and simple yet effective way to do this is to ask yourself: “What is the first step I can take to work towards my goal, or my one day?” 

Please go easy on yourself when figuring out that first step.  It’s okay if the first step is to look up different youtube videos of how to fix a leaky faucet (that’s right – the first step doesn’t have to be “go to the store and buy all the supplies!”).  It’s okay if the first step is to just start with some light stretching today, even for just a few minutes (that’s right – you don’t have to start running 5 miles the second you’re done reading this!).  It’s okay if the first step is to go to bed 10 minutes earlier than you did last night.  Trust me – it’s okay!

Just figure out the first step, and then go from there with the “next step,” whether the next step starts tomorrow or in a week.  It’s not about never looking forward and setting goals because goals are indeed necessary and give us direction.  Too often, we set goals and leave it at that or think of bench marks or bigger steps along the way; however, how we start often determines how far or long we will actually be able to go.

By all means, have the end, or “one day” in mind… but do so by letting today be “day one.”

You decide.